The Pros And Cons
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: Wouldn't it be great to be a Gundam Pilot? That's what I always thought. But apparently it's not all it's cracked up to be...


**Tori: **Ahhh… Back at Komiket. Kickin' back… Makin' money… Watchin' cosplays… 

**Duo: **Getting lost in the subway… Being mobbed… Getting chased by kamikaze pedestrian fangirls…

**Tori: **Which brings us to a new topic… UchuTosuta has changed it's name to TheKamikazeDucks in honor of our new contract with GunPointArt!

**Duet: ***for some reason is covered in masking tape; sits down next to Duo behind the table* I was just inducted into the Tape Dispenser Club… *slams head onto the tabletop*

**Tori: **This is being typed in real time, folks. Please excuse any typos or poor English.

**Duet: **Nnnnn… *fidgets while Trowa removes the tape binding her wrists together* Last time I say 'Hi' ((A/N: Hai?)) to some weirdo in an Rune costume.

**Heero: **Duet, that _was_ Rune…

**Tori: **Rune-baby's here!? And Rath and Thatz? 

**Duet: **You mean Duct Tape, Masking Tape, and Scotch Tape?

**All: **…

**Tori: **Go drown in a fire.

~*~Con Down-Time~*~

~*~Staff Suite~*~

**Wu Fei: **…I will never work another register in my LIFE!

**Trowa: **That's what I said, and I got put on errand duty.

**Duo: **HAH! Doesn't THAT suck?

**Wu Fei: **Register…not so bad.

**Tori: **So are you enjoying yourselves?

**Quatre: **On the whole, yes.

**All: ***nod nod*

**Tori: **That's good… At least there's some point in being a Gundam pilot…

**All: **EX!

**Tori: **Riiight. Ex-pilots.

**Heero: **Actually, there are a lot of perks.

**Tori: **Such as?

**Heero: **Well…

**Being A Gundam Pilot**

**The Pros**

**Heero: **You meet a lot of great people.

**Duo: **Yeah, and the conventions are a LOT of fun! Especially the serious edge you have over normal cosplayers.

**Trowa: **I meet dynamic women.

**Duet: **Named Sarah… _WHAP! _

**Quatre: **Trowa, Duet, that's not nice…

**Trowa & Duet: **S/He started it. *point at each other*

**Tori: **Any comments from you Quatre?

**Quatre: **No, I agree with Trowa. You certainly meet great people.

**Duet: **Named Jenn… _WHAP!_

**Quatre: **You've had that coming for a long time.

**All: ***sweatdrop*

**Duo: **Anyway, you form some great lasting friendships…

**Duet: **With people-

**All: **NAMED KAT!

**Duet: **How'd you know what I was gonna say?

**Tori: ***twitch twitch* Are there any other upsides to your career that women?

*awkward pause*

**Tori: **Duet, that was your cue to say 'men'.

**Duet: **Huh? Oh. Women?

**Tori: **… *looks at her* … Any others?

**Trowa: **… … Ah! *raises hand*

**Tori: **Trowa?

**Trowa: **A- Never mind. I forgot.

**Tori: ***sweatdrop* So what you're telling me is the only good parts about being Gundam pilots are the women and the cosplaying?

**Wu Fei: ***deadpan* Hey, didn't we have those big robots…?

**Duo: **Yeah… They were cool.

**Duet: **I remember ass-stomping quite fondly…

**Tori: **Well doesn't that count?

**Heero: **Nah, we don't have them anymore…

**Quatre: **Blew 'em up.

**Tori: **There you have it, folks… Not so glamorous now is it?  So, what about the cons?

**The Cons**

**Duo: **Like I said, the cons are always great.

**Tori: **I meant the bad parts…

**Duo: **Oh. That's a lot easier. Our sponsors suck. They won't let us go anywhere.

**Trowa: **Like Texas…

**All: ***sweatdrop* Suuure, Trowa.

**Tori: **Sarah, if you're reading this, I have a feeling you were the best thing that ever happened to him. *sigh* Well, what else sucks?

**Heero: **Living arrangements.

**Wu Fei: **We live in The Middle Of Nowhere and that's the way Sotsu likes it.

**Quatre: **^___^* Guys! They do the best they can!

**Heero, Duo & Duet: **INFIDEL! NEVER SIDE WITH SOTSU!

**Quatre: **Meep.

**Wu Fei: **On the other hand, we have great insurance plans because Sotsu claims us as dependants.

**Tori: **…all you are to them is tax write-offs… and merchandising…

**Heero: **Thanks for reminding us, Tori. I feel so special I could cry.

**Tori: **Hey, being a write-off is better than being their bi-lingual pawn…

**Duet: **But you're _our_ bi-lingual pawn, too.

**Tori: **What was that great line, Heero?

**Heero: **"I feel so special I could cry…" ?

**Tori: **That's it. So, is being a Sotsu employee the only downside now?

**Duo: **WOAH! BACKUP! Employee? No, my friend. We are copyrighted.

**Tori: **Same thing. You get a salary and whatnot.

**Trowa: **Yes, but it's the copyright restrictions that keep us from doing anything. You should know all this…

**Tori: **Ummm, I never actually cared before, but now I'm curious.

**All: ***sweatdrop*

**Duet: **This is possibly the ONLY upside to being copyrighted by Kurokawa.

**Tori: **That's KUROKAWA-SAN to you, kiddo!

**Duet: **Kiddo!? You're only 362 days my senior!

**Wu Fei: ***frowns* I didn't know you could count that fast…

**Duet: **Desperate times call for desperate measures.

**Heero: **It's that fight or calculate instinct when someone challenges her age.

**Tori: **Okay, okay… Anything else?

**Quatre: **Not really. I mean, aside from the copyrighting, there are few rules that they impose on us that we don't break without a second thought.

**Tori: **Quatre breaks rules???

**Quatre: **Quatre is now an American citizen. Some of those rules are just…un-constitutional.

**Tori: **Such as…?

**Quatre: **Just rules on where we can go and what jobs we can have… It's like we're on probation and we haven't done anything wrong.

**Tori: **I see…

~*~*~*~

**Tori: **Depressing, ain't it? And you thought it was soooo glamorous…

**Duo: **During the war it was fun!

**Duet: **…I died…

**Duo: **Oh yeah… Being a Gundam pilot sucks!

**Tori: **Being the friend of a Gundam pilot on the other hand… GUYS! Back to the table! Start acting out those doujinshi pairings!

**All: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Heero: **I suppose you can add "Having to tolerate Tori" to the cons…

**Trowa: **Quatre, you're my friend. Let's keep it at that…

**Quatre: **Ditto.

**Tori: **T___T Now I'm never gonna sell these 3x4 doujinshi!!

**Duo: **STOP EXPLOITING US!!!!

**Tori: **^___^*** Gomen nasi…


End file.
